Subs & Dubs: The Yankees and Red Sox of Unwashed Basement Dwellers.

I suppose the question of Subs versus Dubs in the world of anime isn't so much a long-time debate as a pissing contest for fanhood.

"What? You want those terribly inaccurate Dubbed pieces of crap?! You know they totally violate the integrity of the story, right?" Which, depending on the quality of the dub ranges from a slight exaggeration to blathering space-man talk.

But there is a reasonable argument to be made on behalf of those artistic nightmares, and of course I'd be please to make it. First, why Subs simply rule earth:

The theory is that dubs are often inaccurate or the western licensing companies take artistic liberties with the dialog and occasionally the story. Which, is entirely true. Many little chunks of Dialog are frequently bent slightly to help fit the animation or to simply smooth out some of the awkwardness of translation. Japanese tends to be very a literal language and Dubs are geared (of course) towards their respective English-speaking audience.

(Watch a very flattly fan-subbed Hentai film sometimes for a good laugh. If you've got some friends and want to make a drinking game out of it, do a shot any time anyone says "release" and you'll all be wasted by 22-minutes in)

There's also a world of things taken into account. What passes for normal behavior in one culture doesn't nessesarily do so in others. Some jokes would be totally lost on American audiences just as I'm sure dubbed episodes of Cheers would make for just as big of head-scratchers over there

A lot of the distaste stems from where Anime in the west had a much smaller fan base and the artistic librities were greater simply because small distributers were pushing to get a product out with as little money or time as they could. It led to a lot of pretty iffy material.

But, this is less an educational peice as it is an editorial, so enough of that. Subs, in most cases, are the truest form of the original content.

I do, always will, and always have prefered dubs for one very simple reason: I speak english.

Now, I know that seems like something someone says on a message board after getting teased, berated, or generally pwnzd after mentioning he likes dubs, but it's a valid reason. I'll be the first to admit that despite years of anime consumption and a semester of Japanese in college (that I had to withdrawl from due to... never going) my Japanese comprehension ends with "hello" "thank you" and "goodbye." Which makes it completely impossible to watch anything in japanese and acuratly gauge the voice acting.

With no understanding of the words themselves, let alone the inflection, dialect, or timing, you'd be hard pressed to understand the difference in acting talent between Marlin Brando and Pauly Shore, which is going to be the case with 90% of fans.

The subs versus dubs argument, more often than not, is really nothing more than the never-ending "I'm more indie than you" nonsense that has plauged mankind forever. Yes, from the first time one caveman asked another if he liked Animial Collective, and his friend replied "well yes, but only their early stuff" ...we've been doing this same song and dance.

Another good reason is purely an issue of watchability. Yes, I can take in a subtitled film from time to time and deticate my eyes soley to the screen, but really when I'm trying to plow through seven season of Ranma 1/2, trust me, you get the idea regardless of language it's in. Cold Water. Hot Water. Whacky Shit Happens.

Even as I write this I have Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex playing on my secondary monitor and trust me, there is nothing going on in the untranslated version that's going to deeply impact my viewing experience and reading subtitles doesn't make your soul fundimentally more pure. So the next time some poor kid is over at box-torrents asking where he can find this one dubbed, un-do your Caps Lock, take a deep breath, open your blinds and take a look at the sun outside, grab another soda and calm down.

There really are more important things to worry about.